I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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