I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
