I'm going to jail i love you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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