it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could fuck to npr.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
