I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
wow bdsm is so cute
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
