WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
