I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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