Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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