I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
