I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
