are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
