I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
