I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
