i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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