Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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