I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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