A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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