You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
