Your face is a jimmy john
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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