ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
