For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize