I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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