my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
