I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just high enough for therapy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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