it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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