I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
