I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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