I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
