his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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