: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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