Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
