i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
