I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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