i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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