I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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