that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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