Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
