Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
