Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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