why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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