exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
