Tell her she can't have a vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
