Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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