all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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