My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
