can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?