so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.