think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't tell me you're on acid again