Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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