i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
