I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
