How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I DEMAND FORESKIN
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
