He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
