I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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