If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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