it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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