I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
