I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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