singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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