i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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