i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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