ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
