I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
