Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
